wakey wakey hands off snakey
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
