i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
