i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
