I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
