What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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