New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
