Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
