I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
