They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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