You're so nebulous sometimes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
