this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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