Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
