walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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