Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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