So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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