HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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