when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
