new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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