I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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