I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
