you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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