when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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