Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
