i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He passed out mid-signature
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
