you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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