My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
