I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
