ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
