Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Boobs speak an international language.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
