I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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