i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
