1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
