6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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