Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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