dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
