Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
