Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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