i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
