Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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