thus making me awesome and them whores
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
