I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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