Just fell off a train. Bad.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
