If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
