how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
