kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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