my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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