sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
