she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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