I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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