so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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