i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
