friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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