All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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