the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
