I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
