Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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