It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
