I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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