haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
