3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
