I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
