Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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