Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't turn off my feet"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
