Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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