I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
