Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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