On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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