I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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