i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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