4 words: hood of his car
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
