he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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